Made In The U.S.A.

Get thee to a White Castle

In Edibles on January 23, 2009 at 10:40 am

Almost made it another day without a purchase, but… alas, I was White Castled.

For anyone who happens to be reading this and does not live within reasonable driving distance of a White Castle fast food restaurant, I must paraphrase Mr. T: I pity you, fool.

The White Castle “slider” or “belly bomber” is disgusting. Yet somehow tasty at the same time. I remember the first time I had one. My mother took me as an adventure. I was probably 10, and we each ordered a couple of burgers, fries and sodas. We each took a bit of the tiny, greasy, nasty little things and looked at each other in horror. They tasted as if they had been made from old horse and cooked in rancid petroleum jelly. With onions.

We threw away our burgers and never spoke of it again.

Sometime during college, a friend dragged me through the drive-thru during the wee small hours no doubt after a long night and I learned the true meaning of White Castle: late night drunk food. It finally all made sense.

But that doesn’t explain why people drive-thru the Castle during daylight hours. Surely they’re not all drunks.

Once one matures beyond the years of late night drunk food, the occasional draw of a belly bomber is undeniable. It’s like an old girlfriend who calls up out of the blue, just to chat: no good will come from it.

I found myself last night cruising happily home, engrossed in conversation via the celly, when I suddenly and without warning (and without slowing) slung a louie into that grand ivory manse at the corner of Vandeventer and Chouteau. Not more than 20 minutes later I was couched, contentedly consuming my disgusting little burgers, probably made from old horse and hopefully still cooked in rancid petroleum jelly. With onions. And cheese.

I pity you, fool. Get thee to a White Castle.


  1. I got proposed to at a White Castle…sort of. It’s a long story, but White Castle is now close to my heart. =) We have video footage and all!:

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