Made In The U.S.A.

Purple Death

In Adventures on May 18, 2009 at 12:44 am

At this point in the process my myriad failures aren’t particularly notable. Still, I feel the need to bare my soul and drag my deepest darkest secrets into the public eye. So here it is, you sadists. Another big time disaster custom made for your enjoyment. I’m a horrible, horrible person. I’d like to apologize to all of you for what I’m about to say. I know I’ve let you down, and even though you’ll say that these words are hollow consolation, I want you to know I regret my behavior. Here goes:

I bought grapes.

I didn’t mean to do it! I was marching through the grocery store for a handful of specific items that I’ve purchased many times before and am confident in their MITUSAness so I wasn’t feeling particularly vigilant. Next thing you know I’m unpacking the groceries at home when it hits me: damn, I bet those grapes aren’t MITUSA.

They are not.

They are from Chile.

I just wasn’t thinking. I walked past the grape display and thought, “that will make for a lovely snack.”

But I forgot that I’d be destroying the world one bite at a time.

Sorry, future generations. You can blame it all on me.

Maybe I can redeem myself with some information on the purchase and consumption of MITUSA grapes? Maybe.

When I search for pertinent info online, I mostly find info on wine grapes which are quite obviously grown in the U.S. The implication, based on the fact that you can grow wine grapes here, is that you can grow eating grapes here too. But I’m not exactly sure how to go about that. Presumably local farmers markets would sell them if anybody is in fact growing them locally? But aren’t eating grapes different varieties than wine grapes?

Aha! This helps a little. Enjoy these random (interesting?) grape facts:

– More grapes are grown around the world than any other fruit.
– Grapes are one of oldest known cultivated fruits. Fossil evidence suggests that grapes were grown and harvested in the area now known as Iran as early as 8000 years ago.
– Concord grapes are one of only three fruits native to North America (the other two are cranberries and wild blueberries.)
– California is a leading producer of both wine and table grapes.
[Aha! Eating grapes are really called table grapes! And they are sometimes MITUSA! -Ed.]
Thousands of varieties of grapes are grown throughout the world, but all can be classified as either European or American. European grapes have tight skins that adhere to the fruit while the American varieties have loose skin, or slip-skin, that easily slips from the fruit when cut or bitten.
– Grapes are one of the most popular fruits in the United States. They rank sixth behind bananas, apples, watermelon, oranges and cantaloupe.

– The most popular table grape variety in the U.S. is the Thompson Seedless.
– Italy is the number one producer of table grapes, followed by Chile and the United States. Grapes sold in U.S. supermarkets are grown either in the U.S. (most likely in California, which produces 97 percent of the table grapes grown in the U.S.) or in Chile. (Chile is in the Southern Hemisphere, which means when it’s winter in the U.S., it’s summer in Chile.) U.S. supermarkets get grapes from Chile January through May. Grapes from California are available June through November.

It is May!

On June 1 I will revisit the supermarket to purchase California seedless Thompson grapes.

In the meantime, please pray for my grape-eating soul.

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