Made In The U.S.A.

Bring it on, December.

In Adventures on December 1, 2009 at 12:20 am

Here we are. The start of the 12th month of a 12-month process. Coincidentally, the start of the month in which us U.S. Americans buy a whole crapload of junk we don’t need so that our friends and family will get off our backs for a few weeks. (Just kidding. I know that gift giving is a means of rudimentary bribe, made to convince those we love to stick around for another year.)

You’ll notice I didn’t even mention the darkest day of the year, Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when we all go shopping. (Nothing like following up a food binge with a buying binge. Talk about healthy!) Nor did I mention cyber monday, the first day back to work during which annoying clients keep calling to talk business and making it really difficult to get your Amazon and Gap.com purchases made before your damn shopping cart times out and you have to start over and enter the coupon code again, which is now invalid because you already entered it once but you try anyway figuring it will still be there when you check out and just show up automatically but it never does and so then you have to call the company and say hey where’s my coupon code and they think you sound trustworthy so they go ahead and just lop off the 10% or whatever and refund it to you and you feel like well that was a worthwhile call and then you think about it and realize you were on hold for eight minutes to save $6 on a $94 order that you paid $12 to ship but still a buck’s a buck, right, and when it finally arrives it’s not quite as nice as it looked in the little picture so you consider returning it but then you figure she’s probably going to return whatever you get her anyway so why bother returning this wrong thing in the first place and so you happily cross someone off your list and immediately remember the other thing you should have bought while you were at whatever site you were at and so you figure you’ll just get it some other time but then you never do and so on Christmas Eve you’re at the mall trying to find a suitable replacement but nothing’s quite as good as that dumb thing you meant to buy online a month ago in the first place and so you splurge and buy something totally impractical and overly expensive like an office chair heated back massager that sits in the basement for 11 months until she gets it out because she’s moving in because, oh yeah, you’re getting married.

I didn’t mention this stuff because I’m exempt this year. Exempt, in that instead of simply buying a Wii or an iPod or some shoes or a sweater or all of the other things that people actually want to receive for the holidays, I have to find something made in America.

So get ready, friends. I hope you like hand-knitted cozies and deli meat platters and outsider art made from discarded popsicle sticks bound with a primitive plant-fiber twine. Because I’ve got some MITUSA shopping to do.

Bring it on, December.

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